They slink from the woodwork
painting their eye
painting their lips
as if you'd give the world to touch them
their sickly thin waists
and boney hips
the kind from spilling your guts
(again and again)
Just to appease the eyes of 'em
They grab you hand and coo
and purr
touchy and feely as can be
they try with a tug, a kiss, and a hug
to convince you that you never wanted me
oh darling,unfortunately I'm of the protective kind
I trust, but I silent cuss
I dislike the way
they try to steal you away
& be the death of us
I don't really mind; all this time
I've been sharpening each long claw
but they should know
I'm not letting you go
first there will be a brawl.

If Love was a story book; Each page hand written with words forged within my soul. The first line would read; "now this is a story about a boy and a girl..." and then go on about the folly love creates in owns own mind. We wouldn't have met upon the first page, or the second, or maybe even the one hundred thirty first. However, somewhere within the smudged ink and scribbled lines, there we would be. It wouldn't matter who was before, or what they had done all those chapters ago. It didn't matter who they were at the start. It would be just us; you and I. Nothing less, but always more. Always "I love you more", and that's okay with me. I have forever to write out these pages, and I hope to finish the last chapter with your name. Forever and ever. You and I.

I'm not sure what to call this;
the feeling that burns deep within my soul
One part fire
and one part ice;
With all that I am, I wish I could damn you to your pyre
I wish you misfortune
I wish you nothing but unhappiness
because you broke your promise
and she broke my pride
ripping away every 'I don't give a fuck'
ripping apart my mind
& every fiber of my body,
every stitch ever made demands that you turn around;
that you think for just another second
Because (maybe) this time,
I could make you see
how I was always here
glued to the shrine I made in your name
glued to the feelings that you never let fade
we're all growing
and you're all changing
and I've loved all the darkness within you
but,You've burned me countless times
and I return.
I return.
So forgive me when I shun your name
deny you entrance to my world again
sign wanted posters for the woman who dared steal your heart
tearing down walls, ones once invited behind
then rebuilt you slip back through the pores
setting fire to the castle
setting fire to my heart
So forgive me when I shun your name
Make you the enemy
for it's a lot easier to hate
than it is to admit I failed
again.
I don't want to know you're happy
in fact, I'd rather not know you at all
I'm just tired of being your puppet, your doll

You're an asshole
the way you speak of women
as if they all throw themselves at your feet
"use me, use me"
asking for belts of mistletoe
as if she'd be caught under it
excuse me sir,
I don't need another pussy;
you're the one with the dick
but you could have fooled me
PMSing all the time
who's time of the month could it be?
& I'm sorry I wasted your time
I just thought maybe you'd give a shit
or at least
just maybe
You'd treat me a little better than it
And that's okay,
because I'll be the one getting better
while you sit there talking shit
all because you're bitter
Don't you dare text my phone
when you realize that's it
by that time all I can say is
Fuck you
I'm over it.

Girl, you're gorgeous;
The way you plaster your face all over the walls
I can't tell you know it too
feeding on those swooning hearts
Soaking up bright lights
the paparazzi
the spotlight
As if it's as temporary as your smile
Because nothing can last forever
and dear Mr. Mirror;
on the wall
You hate the girls that steal it all
the attention;
the kind that was never yours
but you want it all the same
the life you lead is a pathetic one
when all you do is feed on fame

Fuck off.
Please.
Because you do not belong here
you don't belong with him
Just because you lost rights to your man
doesn't mean you have any to mine
whore around someone else's corner
keep to your own fucking kind

I hate you.
I hate the way you seek me out,
only to turn your shoulder when I change my direction;
changing your mind when I set the sails
drifted too far from the shore to head back now
How many times have I swam to the coast
How many times have I rebuilt;
time after fucking time

I swore I'd never see you again
I swore I'd never have reason to

Forget but never forgive,
That's the way it aught to be
Autographing black books of those lacking defenses
Spending my time playing
just like you once played
tight-lipped poker faces
making you nothing but a faded memory

You swore you'd never see me again
You swore you'd never have reason to

But every time you see those teeth
the crooked grin, a star for anyone but you
Setting the fire
a bitter twist within the pit of your soul
Not him
Not her
Not when she was yours all along

You swore you'd kill him
If you couldn't have her , no one would

How dare she act indifferent
How dare she turn back
Scribbling names within her heart
X over the place where yours once laid
She was yours
She is yours
You'll kill her if she looks at him once more time

So you hurt
Ripping at all that you once hand within your arms

Split my veins
spill it all, spill it all
Maybe then your eyes, (those bright blue eyes)
they shall happen to befall
Upon the letters etched into this crimson - pumping core
Maybe then you'll realize,
It was you I have loved
Evermore.

I swore I'd never see you again
I swore I'd never have reason to

"I'm the wrong bitch to mess with
I'll make your life hell"
Your threats
they mean nothing to me
do your worst
do your best
I'll dare you if I must
but, you better understand who you're dealing with
before you decide to throw your bluffs
I'm a cutter
I've been through depression
I've popped pills
and wished I was gone
I'm not scared of slipping away
or facing a loaded gun
I've survived the real hell; the one inside my head
so go ahead, give it your all
I already wish I was dead

My real habit
I know it's writing
like a cancer stick; too and fro
inhale, exhale, inhale, exhale
fixing every low
I take in the world and spit it out
however I see fit
For these words are through my eyes
the world and it's lies
and how I cope with it

I feel it
like the cal before a battle
all my senses awakening
just ready for the moment
when we all take flight
Im ready for the ending

I don't know what it is
perhaps something twisted within me;
Something that tells me to let go
that I don't need anyone to fix me
something so sickly, it's sweet
this pride that pulses through my veins
every pump whispering "You're better off alone"
You've got it too
this virus that lingers under the skin
so disgusting and tainted you can feel it crawl
and so it calls the drummer boys
to beat the sound of war
you've brought this upon yourself my dear
by the words you did say
you ignited the smug inside my soul
now darling,
it's time to play

Darling
let's get this straight
let us go back to square one
you're foolish; nothing is ever good enough
not the girls
not the boys
or the drugs you use to forget them
you seek out the faults in everyone
and leek their secrets
even those who stand closest
You pick fights, then play the victim
and I no longer feel sorry
not for the life you lead
So stop pinning this on me
all the pathetic that you breathe
I never chose this for you
Sorry I'm honest
Sorry I refuse to be another girl that simply nods to what you say
Your negativity like a smog
and I can no longer see
I don't have the strength to fix you
maybe someday you'll grow up

I no longer fear death

Maybe I'm wise
finally written among the great
as if I've discovered a secret only meant for few
or maybe I'm incredibly foolish
no longer fighting what is to be
and instead floating along the current
instead of fighting what will eventually happen
Perhaps this is why
I waste my time smoking cigarettes
and putting to my lips all that I can see to burn
I know its writing the invitation to death at my door
and I don't care
Call me a pessimist
but this world is rotting
and I am rotting along with it
no longer pure
no longer good
and so perhaps it is better if I just rot
waiting for the day death takes me home

Tonight has made it so obvious,
illuminated by the stars & washed clean by the rain.
You had taken away all that I was given from the very beginning
lead me to the land of fog
and told me to listen
solely to the man on the loud speakers
(you know, the one who sounds just like you)
You begged me,
eat of what is not mine
& then you left
Glancing up from the smoke and mirrors
to see that I had not perished in your absence
& I cried out to you
but you did not stir
& I attempted to kill all that was not beautiful
slicing lines into the feeling
so where were you?
Never during the pain,
or joy
or anger
Nerves shot, I wandered
Lost,
I sought you
but you buried yourself within your own world
Flesh upon skin,
handing finding hand
I was found
for the first time, I was seen
This time when you look up from breathing your disillusion world
I will be lost to you
Wandered into the arms of something greater
under the shelter of a sapling
New life eager to simply be

I am lost to you now.

You know what,
I don't know what it is in you that makes you think you're any different form anyone else.
I don't know what it is that makes you think I care.
whether you go or not.
Whether you breathe or not
because after all, it's all the same
And perhaps it's me whose the one to blame.
The difference is, I've stopped caring, stopped feeling
What you say or think of me is irrelevant
Maybe it's this new found curse
(or better yet, a gift)
which allows me to move through this world without fear of being alone
So you threaten your departure
and I smile and wave you on
You are not my world no matter how much you lied and said you were
I didn't breathe in your name
I didn't sin in your name
Live in your name
or even thrive in your name
So how dare you try to wound me with breaking away
I'll be fine, I always am.
Time goes on; it did before you and so it will after
you came with love and promise of happiness
and they tarnished like the flowers upon my grave
Perhaps it was my own twisted mind
my demon within me that caused me to laugh as I shut the door
The world means little these days
and you, even less
Get out.
Leave.
I don't care anymore.

I've been trying
to explore
every nook and cranny of my mind,
wandering down dark paths
to places never meant to be found
Sometimes I feel that way,
foggy,
like my thoughts have broke through the hard bone
only to venture into something greater.
Something more than I
Searching,
what for?
not even I know.
All I can do is
feel.
But how can you find,
if you don't even know what you are looking for?
But I think I'm close.
Every second
I fight my way through the fog
each voice whispering words
meant to sway
a less than perfect soul
they wear my faults
like I am anything to be held
no value
no purpose
Some days I listen
and wonder what is wrong
where is the light I've been searching all along?
& when I wish
for my soul to take flight
and return to places of greater hope
screaming my requests
take me! Take me!
and so I wait,
shuffling down these paths
wasting my time
until I come home

I never had to be the thin girl. The one with the french curves, the pouty lips, and the eyes that could melt your soul. I didn't have to be the one with the perfect smile, perfect hair, or the brains to out wit any genius within this reality. The only thing I wanted was love. The kind that is everything that I ever wanted. Perfect and full and grand; and it's all ours. Where you loved every single trait I ever held. The kind where you loved my habits (good and bad). All that I hated about myself, you adored. You knew every inch of my mind, body ,and soul...and you cared for it. You longed for it. You needed it.

& we could keep it a secret, just you and I. We could make them wonder (crave) what it's like to feel such happiness in every touch, ever smile, ever glance. We'd make them long for such a beautiful thing to come over them as well. Isn't that what everyone longs for these days? Ultimate love? The kinda that can bring peace, or destroy a kingdom all in one blow. The kind written in books, and shown in movies, and promised, but almost never found.

And you know, I swear I had it with you. I swear that we were so close. I memorized your face, the way you smile, and laughed, how you lit up. The way you hated my eyes upon you when you were thinking. I remember how gentle you were, kind and pleading, holding me against the world, protecting me. & I swear I loved you then, all that you were and would ever be. I knew those faults and loved them for everything they were; because they were YOU, and i loved you, so they could never be so bad. I remember how your voice sounds. I memorized every detail, just so I could pick out the days when you were less than perfect. So, I could be the one to heal you with time.

There were days when I wondered if I missed out on "the one". I wondered if it was me who was the one that was wrong. I wondered if I could have fixed what was broken. (After all, I begged for it). I know not if there is a soul to fit mine. Perhaps it was yours, and I missed my chance. But i cannot help this feeling; the world still spins. After you, time has continued. So perhaps there is a new horizon. Perhaps there is another being out there. & I can feel it. I just have to wait for my time. There will be a day when he finds me, (or perhaps I'll find him) and it'll be okay.

So wherever you are.
Just hold on for me.
I'm coming.

You've become ruined to me now
wilted, broken, and dull
Chasing after the skirts
of those forgetting their hearts
or perhaps those holding them
begging for someone to take
and love
and make
something far greater than what it really is

You spend your days
declaring indifference
shading your eyes from my face
Never a word
was ever heard
or your presence
Yet your kiss I'd dare taste

Yet when the moon comes out to play
and you lie
alone in your "too big" bed
your heart to afraid of the bed it has made
you find the time
to compose a rhyme
to try to find your place within my head

This time I come not
no longer feeling
or smiling
or slinking into your grave
No longer the played
of the womanizer
no longer the fool
of this "love"
Only your heart to decay

And you'd stay your ground
saying it's just like a woman
when it comes to the love she gave
to whine and complain
but it's just like a man
to be idle and stand
never taking the blame

These days I feel
tarnish and ruined
as if I was the harlot
the one whom threw herself at the feet of the lion
The monster once enticed her
Forceful grip
on a hand that easily followed
straight to the fate that was deserved
She could have loved the creature that destroyed her,
Made her into the Gorgon
the ugly creature with stone-like eyes
She could have lingered
waiting for his heart to change
to love
instead of ruin
However not all things can be so great

the hourglass sits
& time slips from its passage
I've now come to know
I'm not ready to go home
I need a little more time

Put down your guns boy

I know that you've been pained

put down your guns boy

I promise we're not all the same

I knew the woman

and the day she wounded your heart

feebly beating

unable to will itself to start

I've seen you chase her

in all your midnight runs

you never knew I stood here

begging to be your sun

So give me your guns boy

and I promise to protect your soul

Give me your guns boy

And I will be your gold.

If I were a weaker woman,

I would have let you fall

If I were a weaker woman,

I wouldn't have cared at all

& if I ever love you

surely, you would never know

and if there was a darker path,

down that path I'd go

I'd burn those bridges to the ground

laughing as they fell

& if there ever was a truth

another tale I'd tell

So, perhaps there's a detail that's been forgotten

one so very small

If I were a weaker woman,

I wouldn't be here at all

stone cold walls;
the kind that keeps you from leaving
Weak and exhausted mind;
the kind that keeps you from breathing
How many days would she stay hidden away?
she didn't even care
She liked it in the shadows,
where prying eyes wouldn't stare

She remembered days;
faint and fleeting
Where she didn't feel the pain;
being broken and bleeding
And the sands of time have been gone too long
It's too late now
to correct the wrong

She greets the cell;
her own dismal place
longing for the feelings,
the ones she used to face.
The setting, a friend,
one she once declared a foe
the feelings most days she wished she didn't know.

She started her adventure;
to search and to find
but it's hard to accomplish anything
when you're stuck
in your own mind.

She was everything that they ever truly wanted. Pretty face, nice curves, sweet and forgiving even when forgiveness wasn't in order. She gave into temptation and easily loved what could bring her down. There once was a man that held her hand, and loved her with a love far greater than any in the world. (or so she swore) Yet, just as everything has an end, and the man slipped away into the night, leaving a broken woman in his wake. So they came, quietly at first, then hoards knocked on her door. Flowers in hand, pledges of everlasting love springing from their lips. Easily the female fell in love with the attention, drinking in all their promises and smiles. Yet, as time passed, the suitors moved from her castle, finding the sands of time slipping away were killing their romantic hearts. She spied their wayward movements, longing filling her soul. So she swept after them, singing false promises to keep them at her door. Unkept promises are like flowers, wilting as the days swing by, and eventually she couldn't keep the men from leaving. With each and every loss, her heart wept for her loneliness. She tried to keep them in her bed, faking love she could never feel. Yet it seemed to be okay. It got her by.