It's been a while since I wrote on here. I'm not really 'back' just.. I need to vent some more.
I can't draw once again. And dreams are becoming scarce. I'm not ready for adulthood. I am unhappy. I feel awful. Today I was energetic and happy and proud of myself. When I started drawing that all just died.
I have no talent.
This is a hobby.
I don't really have a passion for animation, but it would make me happy to know and see it was finished and loved.
What am I doing? Why to I even try? My drawings, all of them, awful. I should burn all of my old drawings instead of keeping them. Fuck the improvement through the years, I'm a sack of shit and potatoes.
I tried asking for requests all I got was bullshit 'creative' ideas. Fuck you peole who tell artists things like 'a brain on a train in a plane in the rain' seriously fuck that. It's not funny and we hate it.
I've tried challenges and websites, I doodled on the way home and now all of it! All of my hope and happiness and inspiration- gone! I was open and friendly. I made fucking friends this year and I was happy.
We went outside today even. I love trees, I love nature so much it just makes me happy and I always want to crawl in the places where the random limbs and bushes make an arch. i want to explore and look around without worrying over germs and disease.
And I have tried. It felt awesome, like I was in a movie. I couldn't stay long though, it's hard to navigate in a small forest area while the trees have no leaves.
And I get no help from anyone. People just it and stare and give me their apologies but who the fuck does that help? No one! Did you know it's been almost two years since I've hugged anyone other than my mother?
I'm sorry for being bummy I'm just upset about not having the good drive to draw things.
And Algebra. Fucking goddamn teacher gave me back my binder that I turned in. Nothing I have will be graded fucking fuck.
What's 40 points anyway hahaha... fuck.
I'll make it up on the tests. I'll try to get organized. I want to be a good student, i am a good student. I am a smart girl, and a pretty one.
I actually teared up at that last part. Shame I have to do this to myself when I'm like this.
I'm so lonely.